Love is a Verb

In 2006 I was a newlywed… a time when love is so effortlessly abundant that it's hard to imagine it could ever run out. Love was a vast ocean. A body of water that my husband appeared to walk on. Over time there were differences in opinions, frustrations over behaviors, stresses about homeownership and the expenses of life. Nothing unusual or concerning, just a realization that we are both flawed humans. The practical steps of integrating our lives had dulled some of the shine.

Around this time a few of our friends began the process of divorce. Other couples, I noticed, seemed not to treat each other very well. This made me think about love… that warm intimate feeling that we all crave. Love the noun. What is the path to holding on to an abundance of love over the long term? This seemed the most important question to answer in that moment. My happy marriage depended on it.

“When you treat people with love (verb), you build love (noun).”

I don't recall where I first heard the idea that love is a verb, but it struck me as true immediately. When you treat people with love (verb), you build love (noun). So simple. Yet there is so much miss-directed attention paid only to love the noun and why shouldn't there be? Love is a bright and shiny beacon, the most coveted and precious thing that envelops us with deep affection, personal attachment, and passionate desire. Love is the best!

Love the verb was the answer to my question, the key to a life filled with an abundance of love. The best part about love is that it can be defined in as many different ways as you can dream up. It’s a cuddle or kiss to start the day. It’s saying thank you. It’s cooking a favorite meal. It’s scraping snow off of their car so they don’t have to. It’s doing something you don’t want to do because it’s important to them. It’s big. It’s small. It’s many things.

As long as we love each other, we will have love in our lives.